Lost and Alone on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day! Red hearts, candy, and flowers are everywhere. On TV. In the grocery store. At the florist shop. Everyone has a sweetheart . . . but you. You are alone. Maybe you just broke up with someone. Or another loss has come your way. Heartache has you down. If you wrote a letter to your broken heart, I’ll bet it would look something like this:

Hello Heartache,

I’m stuck. This Valentine’s Day is the pits. I miss (name) so much. I have a hole in my heart as big as Texas. I’m so cold I feel like I’m camped out on an iceberg. I’m lonely. I am lost and don’t know what to do. Where to turn. I don't want to try and replace (name) with someone else. It’s far too soon. But I’m grieving and all I can see is a desolate, empty future. I’m numb. Help!

Thanks for listening.

Heartbrokenly,
You

To help you heal, let’s rewrite the letter.

It could be something like:

Dear Broken Heart,

This is an entirely new world for us. I feel your pain and anguish, and know we can gently bring in a new life together. First, I will begin to love myself again.

Since I don’t know what loving myself feels like, or even looks like, this will be a new adventure for both of us. I know you think it’s selfish to love myself. But I am discovering it’s the foundation of being who I truly am. It will add to my day, and won’t be an extra burden.

Loving myself is a way of being, of living unstuck. Instead of wallowing in that empty space, let’s be kind and ask, “How am I feeling right now?” Then we’ll hang around for the answer. Rather than beating me up, we will have an attitude of curiosity and compassion to hear what’s doing inside. I am willing to listen to and care about the whisper of my heart. To keep myself company like the closest friend ever.

Thanks for joining in and helping me move into this new way of life.

With love,
You

Stuck on where to start?

Here are some tips:

• Use the Magic Wand Question. “How will you feel when that old grief is gone?” Or “When that sadness is a thing of the past, what will be there in its place?” Encourage your imagination to start thinking about being okay.
• Nourish your own heart. Place your hand on your heart and ask,” How can I best take care of me?” Listen to that answer, for it will be powerful and direct.
• Give yourself the gift of your own caring. You know best what works for you, what you need deep down inside. Be attentive and open to what comes up. Then act on it.
• Keep company with yourself. Be your own best friend, not just for the second week of February but for your whole love life. You’ll thank yourself for it.
• Begin a happiness journal. Remember those fun times that warmed your heart? Write them down and relive each one, enlarging your ability to love yourself. Appreciate who you are.